From "The Onion" -- very close to the truth.
"SEATTLE—Eliciting a standing ovation for the longtime Seahawk’s
cornerback as he gripped his walker and slowly hobbled to midfield, the
NFL conducted a pregame ceremony to honor 52-year-old Ronald Dutton as
the league’s oldest living former player. “Ever since my father retired
in 2002, he has missed being out on the field, and he would like you all
to know how thrilled and excited he is to be honored by you all today,”
said Dutton’s 22-year-old daughter Kayla as the hunched and visibly
confused former Pro Bowler was directed to look into the camera for a
photo-op with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell before gingerly attempting
to lift his arm and wave to the roaring crowd. “We would like to thank
the NFL for taking the time to salute their alumni, especially when
those like my father have so little time left. Though as happy as he is
today, I just know he wishes all of his teammates were still alive to be
here with him.” Following the ceremony, Dutton’s family reportedly
returned him to his assisted living home after the Seahawk’s great
drifted to sleep in the stands during the first quarter."
