From "The Onion"

From "The Onion"  --  very close to the truth.

"SEATTLE—Eliciting a standing ovation for the longtime Seahawk’s cornerback as he gripped his walker and slowly hobbled to midfield, the NFL conducted a pregame ceremony to honor 52-year-old Ronald Dutton as the league’s oldest living former player. “Ever since my father retired in 2002, he has missed being out on the field, and he would like you all to know how thrilled and excited he is to be honored by you all today,” said Dutton’s 22-year-old daughter Kayla as the hunched and visibly confused former Pro Bowler was directed to look into the camera for a photo-op with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell before gingerly attempting to lift his arm and wave to the roaring crowd. “We would like to thank the NFL for taking the time to salute their alumni, especially when those like my father have so little time left. Though as happy as he is today, I just know he wishes all of his teammates were still alive to be here with him.” Following the ceremony, Dutton’s family reportedly returned him to his assisted living home after the Seahawk’s great drifted to sleep in the stands during the first quarter."