This From Feministing

"March 5, 2009
Originally posted on Feministing Community
New Foundation to aid women with restraining orders

Trigger Warning

I just learned about the Tiana Angelique Notice Foundation, created to aid women with restraining orders and prevent domestic violence. The foundation is named for Tiana Angelique (and created by her family), a 25 year old graduate student in CT, who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend on Feb. 14. It was the last time he violated her restraining order against him.

From a news article :

"At the time, Tiana had a restraining order that was supposed to keep Carter from contacting her. But he violated the order several times, friends and family said — once by posing as someone else and sending her e-mails.

In the end, he became emboldened, said a friend who asked not to be named. The day before Notice died, he called her three times at her job. He also wrote her a letter, which she took to the Plainville Police Department hours before she was killed, the friend said.

That was one of three police departments she visited in the week before her death to file complaints about Carter or to follow up on previous complaints. She also visited police in Waterbury, where she worked, and in Bloomfield, where Carter lived....

Alvin Notice, the victim's father, said he will push for a new law that requires the automatic arrest of anyone suspected of violating a restraining order. Tiana's sister, Natasha Smith-Notice, warned against state budget cuts that would affect domestic violence programs. And the family has already established a foundation in Tiana's name, The Tiana Angelique Notice Foundation, to help women with restraining orders and prevent domestic violence."

The most dangerous time for a survivor of dv is when and after they leave the abuser, and Tiana's story illustrates just how unsafe people can be even if they do everything right legally to try to be safe. Is it any wonder that countless people stay with their abuser rather than increase the risk of being killed because there's little they legally can do to stop the abuser from attacking/murdering them or someone they love? My heart goes out to Tiana's family and all the people like her who were able to leave their abuser but still weren't/aren't safe. Hopefully her family's activism will prompt more awareness and lead to better policies for handling dv."


I've always thought a restraining order and a handgun are better than just a restraining order. Dangerous men, men who give you cause to fear for your life will not be dissuaded by a court order. In our society many of these guys seem to see it as a direct blow to their "manhood", that imaginary construct built by movies, advertising, and constant justification of boorish, uncivilized behavior.

Learn to shoot. Learn to SAFELY handle a weapon that allows you to "reach out and touch someone" -- none of this close combat thing -- men are stronger.

It's not about hate -- it's about survival.