From CarAndDriver.com

We Need New License Slogans - Column

“Live Free or Die”—can’t we be a little more imaginative than that?

BY JOHN PHILLIPS
January 2009



I’m not seeing imaginative mottoes and slogans on license plates these days. Wouldn’t it be a source of revenue for cash-strapped states? Here are some starter ideas, free of charge. All yours. My pleasure. Really. Don’t mention it.

UNITED STATES

Alabama: COME ON IN AND GITCHA SOME.
Alaska: WE CAN’T ACTUALLY SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE.
Arizona: WHERE AIRSTREAMS GO TO DIE.
Arkansas: HELL, YES, WE SELL LIQUOR ON EASTER AND CHRISTMAS.
California: WE REALLY PISS YOU OFF, DON’T WE?
Colorado: WHERE PROACTIVE HOLISTICISM EMPOWERS INTROSPECTIVE PERSONHOOD.
Connecticut: FIRST IN LYME DISEASE.
Delaware: IT AIN’T DOVER TILL IT’S DOVER.
Florida: WE GOT DOZENS OF PEOPLE WHO STILL SPEAK ENGLISH.
Georgia: SORRY, WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
Hawaii: NO MORE “I GOT LEI’D” JOKES, OKAY?
Idaho: SERIOUSLY, WE’RE STILL SEEING THOSE BLACK HELICOPTERS.
Illinois: THE STATE THAT’S MOSTLY A CITY.
Indiana: WHERE FOLKS ACTUALLY VOTED ON WHAT TIME IT WAS.
Iowa: GIVE US ONE MORE SHOT AT ETHANOL, OKAY?
Kansas: SOMETHING INTERESTING COULD STILL HAPPEN.
Kentucky: YOU REALLY THINK OUR GRASS IS BLUE?
Louisiana: WHERE YOU CAN WATER-SKI ON MAIN STREET.
Maine: PRETTY GOOD CHANCE WE BELONG TO CANADA.
Maryland: THE STATE WHOSE OUTLINE NOBODY CAN DRAW.
Massachusetts: OUR HOBBY IS SNOBBERY, AND WE LOBBY.
Michigan: LAST GUY OUT, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
Minnesota: LOOK FOR 10,000 FINNS IN OUR LAKES.
Mississippi: NO IDEA WHAT HANUKKAH ACTUALLY MEANS.
Missouri: THE SHOW-ME-YOURS-FIRST STATE.
Montana: IT’S TRUE, WE HAVE ONLY ONE AREA CODE.
Nebraska: LIFE IS A JOURNEY THAT MAY HAVE BYPASSED US.
Nevada: BRING ALL OF YOUR CRAPS TO US.
New Hampshire: LIVE FREE OR GET A BIG PINK FIBROID TUMOR AND DIE ANYWAY.
New Jersey: WHERE A CONTRACT REALLY MEANS SOMETHING.
New Mexico: NOT NEW AND NOT MEXICO, EITHER.
New York: WE MATTER; YOU DON’T.
North Carolina: A PLACE WHERE IT’S OKAY TO CALL A MAN HUMPY.
North Dakota: IF MANITOBA MAKES A MOVE, WE GOT OUR EYE ON IT.
Ohio: WOODY BARELY TOUCHED THAT KID.
Oklahoma: ANOTHER STATE WHOSE PANHANDLE TOURISTS AVOID.
Oregon: IT HARDLY RAINED AT ALL LAST THURSDAY.
Pennsylvania: WHERE JOE SIX-PACK CAN ONLY AFFORD THREE OR FOUR.
Rhode Island: THE STATE TWO HEART SURGEONS COULD EASILY BUY.
South Carolina: DAMN YANKEES REALLY RIPPED US A NEW ONE.
South Dakota: STRIVING DAILY TO BECOME MIDDLE CLASS.
Tennessee: HOME OF AMERICA’S LARGEST UNEMPLOYMENT CENTER.
Texas: TRUTH IS, WE BUY OUR HATS AND BOOTS AT SEARS.
Utah: HOW COULD WE STILL HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM?
Vermont: FIRST IN STICKY FINGERS.
Virginia: THAT LOVERS THING? GET A ROOM, OKAY?
Washington: OUR MOUNTAINS REALLY BLOW.
West Virginia: GREEN WITH ENVY.
Wisconsin: FAITH. HOPE. COURAGE. PABST.
Wyoming: WE SHOOT LAWYERS IN THE FACE.

CANADA

Alberta: WHERE “STAMPEDE” MEANS “MORE BEER.”
British Columbia: WE CAN’T SEE RUSSIA EITHER.
Manitoba: OUR PRAIRIE DOGS AREN’T JUST COOL, THEY’RE FROZEN.
New Brunswick: WHY COULDN’T WE HAVE HAD GRETZKY?
Newfoundland: WHO ELSE HAS A TOWN NAMED DILDO?
Labrador: PAPER-TRAINED.
Nova Scotia: FIRST IN TOONIES.
Ontario: PLEASE DON’T MAKE A FUSS, EH?
Prince Edward Island: BUDS, SUDS, SPUDS.
Quebec: OÙ LA FRANCE ET L’APPALACHIE SE SERRENT LA MAIN. (WHERE FRANCE AND APPALACHIA SHAKE HANDS.)
Saskatchewan: LIKE KANSAS BUT WITH MORE SYLLABLES.