Translation of "Meet The Press"

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"What They're Really Saying When They're Saying What They're Saying"

Sunday, March 14, 2010
Meet The Press - March 14, 2010
Host:
Tom Brokaw
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karl Rove
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
********************
Brokaw: David the health care bill is 2,700 pages long - what page provides health coverage for
mindless books about generations?

Axelrod: the American people have witnessed a year-long debate, filibuster-proof votes in the House and Senate, and they don’t give a shit about procedure - they want goddamm health care reform!

Brokaw: President Brown says we shouldn’t have multi-trillion dollar health care in America

Axelrod: did you know Massachusetts has the
same plan and he never tried to repeal it

Brokaw: maybe so but he is good looking and
drives a truck

Axelrod: we stopped a Depression and Scott Brown just voted for another Obama jobs bill!

Brokaw: what about the little fetuses?

Axelrod: not only are they protected they can
now carry guns

Brokaw: Democrats are very scared of the teabaggers

Axelrod: they need to suck it up and realize they
are going to criticized whatever they do

Brokaw: well many of them are not used to that

Axelrod: yes I noticed

Brokaw: but the bill is so long and scary

Axelrod: hey dipshits you gotta go back to your constituents with an accomplishment!

Brokaw: but how can you be sure what this bill
will cost - after all when I served in WWII we had no idea FDR would nuke Lousiana

Axelrod: that’s a good point Tom

Brokaw: will you get it passed?

Axelrod: yes probably

Brokaw: certainly?

Axelrod: definitely highly likely

Brokaw: Israel gave a big fuck you to Joe Biden

Axelrod: that’s true

Brokaw: why didn’t Obama call Bibi and give
him a beat down Obama-style?

Axelrod: he didn’t need to - Joe was there

Brokaw: what did he do?

Axelrod: threatened to keep coming back unless they apologized

Brokaw: what did they do?

Axelrod: they started removing settlements the
next day

[ break ]

Brokaw: Congressman do you have the votes
for health care?

Clyburn: no but we will - I think

Brokaw: Democrats are scared that GOP opponents will read the bill during debates in the fall

Clyburn: I don’t think so - how many GOP candidates can actually read?

Brokaw: Dick will the Senate wreck the House bill?

Durbin: I am in the process of trying to reach
every Democratic Senator

Brokaw: have you gotten them all?

Durbin: yes I reached Blanche Lincoln in the Republican cloakroom and Ben Nelson at
the Hair Club for Men

Brokaw: people say they oppose government takeover of Medicare

Durbin: you see what kind of stupidity we’re up against

Brokaw: let me warble GOP talking points

Durbin: go ahead Tom

Brokaw: warble warble

Brokaw: Clyburn could I get a free abortion with
this bill?

Clyburn: no - Bart Stupak is one of my best friends and a fucking liar

Brokaw: the Black Caucus says Obama doesn’t care about black people

Clyburn: yeah that makes sense

Brokaw: can you assure black people the
recession will end in 3 months?

Clyburn: looks like they picked you from the same Idiot Tree where the found Dancing Dave

Durbin: Tom the US economy will pick up when the GOP stops filibustering progress

Brokaw: arble

[ break ]

Brokaw: Karl some call you Bush’s Brain and liberals call your Treasonous Motherfucker

Rove: hi everybody
[ waves ]

Bush: [ waching tv at home]
hey Laura there’s turdblossom

Laura: that’s nice dear

Brokaw: Karl is Obama making the same mistake you did when you failed to pass Social Security?

Rove: no because we had bipartisan support for
our utter failure

Brokaw: why has Obama failed?

Rove: he’s lazy

Brokaw: will the GOP run against health care reform?

Rove: yes - when you think about it it’s amazing that Obama is not more popular just because Fox news keeps calling him Hitler

Brokaw: so oppose the bill no matter what it says

Rove: absolutely

Brokaw: but you don’t even know what is in the bill!

Rove: right - that’s also terrible!

Brokaw: I noticed you didn’t find fake WMD so apparently we invaded another country for no
good reason

Rove: that’s a fair point - I admit with no WMD the
UN would not have ordered Bush to invade Iraq

Brokaw: Dick Cheney said ‘so who gives a shit
we would have invaded anyway’

Rove: John Kerry said the same thing

Brokaw: oh well forget I said anything then

Rove: look the UN forced us to attack Iraq
- there was nothing we could do

Brokaw: we only have a half hour so I can only list
a few of your other epic failures - for example the oil revenues-

Rove: it’s not fair to say we screwed up control the oil - we fucked that up before we ever invaded

Brokaw: anyway it was utter chaos in Iraq

Rove: well sure - but two and half years after the war started al qaeda attacked us and we were caught completely by surprise

Brokaw: you sound like incredible idiots

Rove: no fair we had a plan

Brokaw: but it failed

Rove: eh

Brokaw: Sarah Palin

Rove: I love her but she’s a moron

Brokaw: Teabaggers

Rove: they finally realized that spending and government is bad under a black man

Brokaw: Dick Cheney shot your lawyer and you
got miffed

Rove: yes that’s when I finally realized he’s completely psychotic

Brokaw: do you think Fox News is fair to Obama

Rove: oh yes absolutely

Brokaw: with all due respect you have got to be kidding

Rove: but Joe Scarborough is a liberal and
Rachel Maddow is gay

Brokaw: arble barble

[ break ]

Brokaw: David Brooks is health care the apocalypse?

Brooks: yes

Brokaw: oh?

Brooks: Obama is just like Bush

Brokaw: of course

Brooks: I miss the greatest generation - if there’s one thing people learn in war it’s never to take risks

Friedman: if the GOP stops him he might as well resign

Brooks: Obama should just try to little things and let health care fester for a little while

Brokaw: since Bush was a terrible President I can’t support Obama arble

Brooks: I’m very concerned that this is too expensive - unlike war and tax cuts which are of course free

Brokaw: while Biden was in Israel they announced they would build 1,600 new settlements in Delaware

Hillary: hey Bibi take your settlements and shove them up your fat ass!

Friedman: Israel is a crazy drunk driver

Brokaw: who will take away their keys?

Friedman: we did Israel a huge favor invading Iraq and they thank us by dissing the best Vice President since Al Gore

Brokaw: oh my

Friedman: we give them lots in aid in cash and could they have given Obama a beer?! Is that too much?

Brokaw: It seems like everyone in the world hates our guts

Friedman: if we don’t get tough with Israel no one
will respect us

Brooks: cocooned shut-in bloggers are ruining our political dicourse

Brokaw: oh noes the bloggers!

Brooks: the ability to create a twitter feed will bring down the American Empire

Brokaw: [ tweets ] brooksie sez tweets r bad

Brooks: being stupid feels really good

Brokaw: that is so true

Friedman: we have one party governing and another party throwing spit balls and erasers from the back row

Brokaw: Reagan was overwhelmingly re-elected - maybe people should calm the fuck down

Brooks: I’m with you Tom

Brokaw: you got it baby

Friedman: America is the greatest Dysfunctional Show on Earth!

Brokaw: Warble